Moulin Huge, Click Here.

That was........disturbing and......uncalled for. Like heating sugarless cocoa.

sorry.TeeHe

And as a guy I work with says "The only thing a 200 lb woman can do for him is tell a 400 lb woman where he is at".

eeeek

I home school'd my kid. I thought now he should enter public school at this time and mingle with kids his age. He brought home his class work. I thought you might like to see how well he's doing in school:

1. Cheese
Maria likes me but cheese ugly.
2. Mushroom
Wen all my family gets in the car, there isnt mushroom
3. Shoulder
My friend didnt no how to make tacos so i shoulder
4. Texas
My friend always texas me fwds
5. Herpes
Me and my friend shared a pizza, i got my piece and she got herpes
6. July
Ju told me ju were goin to the store and july to me!! Julyer!!
7. Rectum
I had two cars but my wife rectum
8. Chicken
I was going to the store with my wife but chicken go by herself
9. Wheelchair
We only have one soda but its ok wheelchair
10. Chicken wing
My mom plays the lottery so chicken wing
11. Liver
A bully was messing wit my sister and i told him to liver alone
12. Body wash
I wanted to go to the bar but no body wash my kids
13. Budweiser
That woman over there has a nice body, budwieser face so ugly?

http://www.therightscoop.com/rush-to-obama-get-over-it-the-debate-is-over-on-arizonas-immigration-law/ Funniest guy on radio. Especially before he goes to commercial; kind of, Twists the Knife...

HUB;

Teacher; "Mary, can you use dictate in a sentence?"
Mary; "Billy's dictate funny."

LOL

Us men are awesome. LOL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUZuV0xce3A&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hj0GVrXIhcM&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtjW78IUgOQ&NR=1

Thanks Hub I'm not a fan of Richard Simmons but found myself in tears that time. Awesome. Made my Dads day, more please.

"Morning Sex"

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only
The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said
Softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming
Or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then
Gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
Her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

A Scotsman moves to Canada and attends his first baseball game.
The first batter approaches the batters' box, takes a few swings and then hits
a double. Everyone is on their feet screaming "Run" The next batter hits a single. The Scotsman listens as the crowd again cheers "RUN RUN".The Scotsman is enjoying the game and begins screaming with the fans.The fifth batter comes up and four balls go by.The Umpire calls:"Walk." The batter starts his slow trot to first base. The Scot stands up and screams,"Run ye lazy bastard, RRUNN!" The people around him begin laughing. Embarrassed, the Scot sits back down. A friendly fan notes the man's embarrassment,leans over and explains,
"He can't run -- he's got four balls."
The Scot stands up and screams: "Walk with pride, Laddie!"

Two women, Betty and Carrie, are roommates. Betty is the more "inexperienced" than Carrie. Carrie tells Betty, "Hey Betty, I'm going to have a friend over and he has a friend. Wanna double-date?" Betty replies, "Ok, but I'm not real sure what to do". Carrie says, "After we eat and come back to our place, just give him a hand job. I'm sure he'll appreciate it". Betty looked quizzical. Carrie said, "You've never done that before, have you?". Betty nodded her head. Carrie told Betty to go practice on the ketchup bottle.

Later that same day, both couples finished their dinner and headed back to the house. Carrie almost immediately went upstairs with her boyfriend. Betty and her new guy spend 45 minutes talking when the guy mentions it's getting late and he should be going. Betty, nonchalantly, asks the guy if he would like a hand job. The guy, now much more excited than before, lights up and says, "Well, YEAH!". So, Betty grabs his pecker with one hand and starts slapping the top of his pecker, really hard, with the other hand as if trying to get ketchup to come out of the bottle. OH! EEE! AHHH! OW!

On Choosing a wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest tits.

Men are like that, you know.

And on another note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University
On a hike through the bush, he came across a
young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter
approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the
elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,
after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with
a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else
but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly,
turned, and walked away..
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through
the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one
of the creatures turned and
walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Peter,
lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.
The elephant did that several times then
trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could
not help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over
the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared
back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its
trunk around one of Peter legs
and slammed him against the railing, smashing his head open, and
killing him instantly.
Probably a different fucking elephant.

This is for everyone who sends
me those heart-warming
bullshit stories.

Sorry buy I had to.

Sweet

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee, while another foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tees.
The ladies are taking their time.
When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it ten feet.
She goes over and whiffs it completely.
Then she hacks it another ten feet, and finally hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically,
"I guess all those fucking lessons I took over the winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it, you should have taken golf lessons instead!"

A man seeking to join an East Texas Sheriff's Department is being interviewed.
The Deputy doing the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is "an attitude suitability test" that you must take before you can be accepted."
Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says:
"Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Arab extremists, and a rabbit. "
"Why the rabbit?"
"Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"

LMAO!!

Awesome.

!that drew carey skit, Great laugh!!

* Last updated by: bean07 on 8/12/2010 @ 7:21 PM *